Old cars… passion for some, nightmare for others. They motivate jokes, criticism and sometimes even arguments. After Guilherme Costa presented us with a chronicle in which he shows us the more “glamorous” side of having an old-fashioned model, today I remind you of the phrases that we hear the most from the mouths of the “mature” car owners.
Some of these phrases I retrieved from forums, others I heard from my friends and others… well, others I say them myself when I refer to one of my six cars , all of them in their late twenties.
Now, if some are intended to excuse breakdowns or justify the insistence on keeping an old car, others are even intended to ensure the safety and well-being of all passengers.
I leave you here 13 sentences (the number of bad luck, a curious coincidence) that we are used to hearing from owners of old cars. If you think of any more, share it with us, as who knows if I will need it the next time I take my traveling friends.
1. This door has a trick to close
Ahhh, doors that don't close (or don't open) as they should. A must on any old car, whoever knows why.One of the reasons that most motivates funny moments when transporting someone. You get in the car, you pull the door and… nothing, it doesn't close. To this the owner responds "Calm down, you have to pull it up and push it forward and so it closes, it's a trick".
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It also happens that someone is waiting to get into the car, trying to open the door and needing instructions on how to do it, just as he was defusing a bomb. If, in the middle of all this, there is a criticism, the owner simply answers: “that way it's more difficult for thieves to take my car”.
2. Don't open this window, then don't close it
I must admit that, unfortunately for me, I am one who says this sentence several times. Over time, electric window elevators decide to hand over their soul to the creator and how often do they force old car owners to pronounce this phrase.
I've also seen friends of mine close the window with their hands and even have to glue it on with sticky tape, all because of that ill-fated piece. The solution? Opt for manual windows like we found in the very modern Suzuki Jimny or for sliding windows like those used by the late UMM or the Renault 4L. Never fail.
3. My car doesn't lose oil, it marks territory
Like dogs, there are cars that seem to insist on marking their “territory”, dropping oil drops whenever they are parked.
When advised of this problem, the owners of these vehicles sometimes surreptitiously reply “my car doesn't lose oil, it marks territory”, preferring to associate this situation with any canine instincts the car may have rather than admitting that it needs to visit. a workshop.
4. It's old, but it's paid for
This is the typical answer of any owner of an old car when someone criticizes your machine: remember that despite all the defects it is already paid for.As a rule, this answer is followed by another that insists on reminding you that whenever you certify the car's value is doubled. Interestingly, none of the sentences is most likely to be untrue.
5. Slowly reaches everywhere
Used several times by me, this phrase serves to prove that having an old car is, more than a necessity or an option, a lifestyle.
After all, if it is true that many old cars arrive slowly and everywhere, it is true that they do so with a lower level of comfort and the trip takes longer, sometimes longer than desirable.
Even so, in this situation, the owner of an old car prefers to appreciate the kilometers he accumulates behind the wheel of his “old man” and keep an eye on the pressure gauges, not going to be on the lookout for any breakdown or headache.
6. Never left me still
Often a lie, this phrase is the equivalent in the car world to that father who, after his son finishes last in any test, turns to him and says “the last are the first”.It's a godly lie we tell to make those we care about (and ourselves) feel better, but it's not really true. In any case, in most cases, the ratio of rested trips/breakdowns tends to favor the veracity of this statement.
7. You don't make cars like that anymore
This expression is perhaps the truest expression ever uttered by an old car owner. Used as a way of praising an old car, this phrase is supported by the fact that, due to the great evolution of the automobile industry, production processes have changed a lot.
8. I want to see if today's cars will last as long as these
This phrase in itself poses a challenge, not to those who hear it, but to all new cars that have the most recent number plates.Will they last 30 or more years on the road? Nobody knows. However, the truth is that perhaps the old car whose owner said this phrase may also not be in the best condition to circulate.
In any case, the answer to this sentence can only be given by the weather or by a prediction of any tarot reader like Maya or Professor Bambo.
9. Don't worry about the temperature hand
Often said and heard on Portuguese roads whenever we arrive in the summer, this phrase is intended to calm the most restless passengers who, seeing the temperature pointer climb as if there was no tomorrow, fear ending the trip trapped inside a trailer.
It's that in addition to being often given by owners who are overconfident in their car's cooling capabilities, it also often leads to unpleasant calls for roadside assistance.
10. Don't worry about that noise, it's normal
Creaks, moans, drums and squeaks are, all too often, the soundtrack that accompanies journeys in old cars.This phrase is often used by car owners to soothe more fearful passengers who do not yet have as keen an ear as the driver and who cannot distinguish the sound of a timing belt in need of replacement from the sound emitted by a rear bearing to give the last ones.
This sentence has some look-alikes referring to engine warning lights, but the end result is often the same.
11. Just get fuel and walk
It can even sometimes be true, this phrase is usually uttered by owners of old cars who, curiously, are as old or older than the cars themselves.
Why? Simple. Usually attentive and zealous about the maintenance of their machines, they know they can afford this claim because they are probably the only people with old cars that are as good as new.
Anyone else who says so but doesn't remember the last time they took the car for inspection, I'm sorry to inform you but they're lying.
12. I know my car
Said before starting an impossible overtaking, deciding to transport half the world in a 30-year-old car or simply before facing a long journey, this phrase serves more to calm the car owner than the passengers.It's a way for him to calm down by evoking the supposed link between himself and the car, asking him to finish the trip without any problems or, if he wants to break down, to do it in a place near a restaurant and where the trailer is arrive with ease.
Basically, it is the automobile equivalent of the famous dialogue between Cristiano Ronaldo and João Moutinho at Euro 2016 before the penalties against Poland. We don't know if it will go well, but we have confidence.
13. He has a trick to catch
Some have an immobilizer, others have steering wheel locks and some resort to the not always effective alarm, but the owner of the old car has the best deterrent against thieves: the trick to catch.
Delivered when passing the car into the hands of another driver (whether it's time to sell it, lend it to a friend or, inevitably, leave it in the garage), this sentence reminds us that the owner of an old car is not just a conductor. He is also a shaman who invokes the “driving gods” to put the car to work every morning.
Whether it's a tap on the ignition lock, a button you press, or three sprints while pressing the key, this trick seems to work whenever the car owner is behind the wheel, but when it comes time to apply it, let us down. and making fools of themselves.